The Freedom of Asking For Help

I can’t even begin to think about the number of times in my life I’ve said variations of this sentence. As someone who considers myself a “Do-er”—the one who tries her best to be a listening ear, pseudo counselor, and drop-of-the-hat servant—it’s incredibly rare that I take up someone on an offer to help me, let alone ask someone for help.

Maybe you’ve been in this spot, or live it every day. You are the friend who always helps others and would never, in a million years, ask for it for a variety of reasons. Asking for help can be perceived as weak and needy, and there’s also the added pressure of “owing someone” if they assist you. Our culture preaches independence—to never let yourself become reliant on another person in any way.

Without even realizing it, I had become a worn-out “Do-er”. The world often throws a lot of tasks and projects and “issues” at me, and typically, I can balance, juggle, and manage all of them (all the while, getting my run in (albeit in the dark of oh 6 am)), and putting a delicious dinner on the table.

Yet, in all my doing, I hungered for more intimacy with God and my husband. I knew something needed to shift.

And something did—my ACL, specifically. Tearing that ligament put me in a position I never wanted to be in: asking for help, and definitely needing it. That experience, combined with some wisdom from the DoorDash-less days of ancient Israelite culture, transformed my understanding of the concept of dependency.

Here’s what I learned about the freedom of asking for help, and how healthily depending on others is not a path to laziness or weakness, but one of joy and community, where friendships grow closer and our greatest need for God becomes increasingly clear.

A Hopeless Widow

In the Old Testament book of 1 Kings, we see the prophet Elijah being sent by God to a pagan city and directed to find a widow who would supply him with food. A widow was the lowest of society, her son was too young to help provide for them, and it would be against their cultural norm to speak to each other. But they are years into a famine and drought, so Elijah had a simple request:

“Elijah said to her, “Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small loaf of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son. For this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the Lord sends rain on the land.’” (1 Kings 17:13-14)

At first glance, this story may be hard to relate to through the lens of our modern Western world, where every want and need can be delivered almost immediately with a click on an app, from a week’s worth of groceries to an impulsive thick chocolate milkshake and salty fries, or a dress shirt when an unexpected interview arises. But that’s not to say we still don’t have needs—even with how fortunate many of us are. From health concerns to financial struggles, work-life balance to relational conflict, or even just needing someone to watch your dog or cut your lawn while you’re out of town, we all have needs, whether they feel big or small.

For the widow, this was a big need. She and her son needed food, and had already accepted that starvation was the only outcome. And out of nowhere, they are presented with the opportunity of endless food for the mere risk of wasting a small loaf of bread on a stranger.

Seems like a no-brainer, right? Why wouldn’t someone accept help when they are as low as they can be? I ask that question, however, fully aware that I often operate out of the same mindset. I’ve denied help in countless ways when I needed it the most, whether it’s out of pride or arrogance, and in doing so, refused a chance to be blessed. This woman had the humility that most of us struggle to embrace when offered help—all she needed was a small step of faith and a willingness to accept help:

She went away and did as Elijah had told her. So there was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. For the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the Lord spoken by Elijah. (1 Kings 17:15-16)

Taking the Step

With her one small step toward God, the widow accepted Elijah’s request, and it provided an offer for more: Extra years to live. Additional time to build a relationship with her son. Maybe even opportunities to generously share this endless bread with others.

We continue reading that Elijah lived with and built a relationship with them, which allowed him to be there when she needed a second miracle of bringing her son back to life. This is striking. We first meet the Zarephath widow ready to prepare the last meal for her and her son. Fast forward, her son has died, and she understands that the Lord can bring him back to life.

The Lord heard Elijah’s cry, and the boy’s life returned to him, and he lived. Elijah picked up the child and carried him down from the room into the house. He gave him to his mother and said, “Look, your son is alive!” Then the woman said to Elijah, “Now I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the Lord from your mouth is the truth.” (1 Kings 17:22-24).

What began as a need for food being provided transitioned into a need for resurrection, salvation, and knowing God. A material need became a spiritual one, starting with this woman saying “yes” to help. I believe we all have the same offer if we take one step in faith.

Our True Helper

So here I am, after my first-ever surgery, and I’m already attuned to the pain and the lack of freedom during recovery. As I mentioned, I’m usually the doer. The giver. The get things done person. Not the sit on the couch waiting for someone to refill my circulating ice bag or bring me things person. So when a friend mentioned a Meal Train of dinners, I hesitated.

I didn’t “need” this. My husband and kids are fully capable of cooking for us. Plus, couldn’t we use the modern convenience of DoorDash to fill in on the busy nights? Then a dear friend explained it this way: “Allow us to care for you, and be open to receiving. God has something to show you in this. Let Him dazzle you”. Hmmm. How can I say no when even the non-believing widow said yes?

My physical body is wounded and needs assistance. The restrictions, even prior to surgery, over the past four months, have created a minor drought in my life. I’ve mourned the loss of a favorite pastime: running. I’m unable to lower myself to the floor and chat shoulder to shoulder with a friend, and even my inability to wear high heels brings me sadness. My identity of fit, fashionable, and fun has been set aside, as many times on our family vacation, I’ve had to respond, “I don’t think I should do that” instead of my normal, “Let’s go. Meet me at the top!”

My torn ACL has caused me to limp, as well as to understand that God is providing me with an offer for more. My slowdown has also given me pause to reflect on the parallels often presented between the physical and spiritual worlds. During my recovery time, as I spend more one-on-one time with Him, what will the Lord reveal that is wounded within me? Will there be activities and people God will ask me to walk away from? I am asking a surgeon to repair me, but more so for God to heal what else is broken, so I can be spiritually and physically healthy.

My ACL will likely heal. And I’ve already received a lot of assistance to help ensure that happens. I’ve been needy, and needs have been met by a great family, friends, and doctors. But at this time, I’m starting to see my true need even more: God. I need His presence, peace, and purpose. Being sidelined as the “Do-er” taught me this more than I ever thought it would—and in my “Be-ing”, I’ve grown my dependence on the one true Helper—God.

Jesus affirms this, claiming to be the living food that we (that widow, myself, everyone) all need:

“I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.” (John 6:51)

Here is what my prayer has been as of late, if you’d like to join me:

Lord, You are the Great Healer, Great Physician and Redeemer. I trust You to lead the surgeon, as You begin a healing inside my soul and body. Please feed me with Your spiritual nourishment, to provide me with deeper understanding of what my purpose is in the Kingdom. Thank You for the friends You’ve knit around me to bring meals and “daily bread” of stories about You and Your provisions. Remind each of us to speak of Your Living Bread, so we can share eternity. Amen.

P.S. I can’t wait to watch how You will dazzle me as You make me whole!

Disclaimer: This article is 100% human-generated.

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